So you can come along

A girl with stories

Things I Don’t Know December 17, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amanda Lynn @ 9:34 pm

I was at work.


I had just talked with a five year old who was in the ER exam room with his mom.


The break room was my next stop for an 11am lunch.


The TV was on CNN.


When those images and those words …“an armed assailant”..”20 children have been confirmed as those among the victims”…”an elementary school in Connecticut”. That’s when I started praying. That’s when the sick feeling hit my stomach. That’s when I started making a mental list of all the things I know as Truth.


All around me, the nurses started talking about going to their children’s schools and taking them home. Others said that wasn’t a great plan because “We don’t want them to know that we’re scared.” Then, the talk turned to “What do we do if that happens here? We’re all so vulnerable – all so unsafe.”


And I couldn’t bring myself to say a word for the longest time. Their eyes, inevitably, turned to me, to the quiet one and I felt like I had to say the only thing I knew to be true in all of this.


I said, “The answer isn’t evacuation procedures or gun control or increasing mental health screenings. Those are good things, but they aren’t the answer. Love is the answer. Jesus Christ is the only answer.”


I’d never come out and said any of that to a group of people in a break room before. No one said anything. There was some nodding and there were some tears. The rest of the work day passed with a somber reverence and we all went home.



I read this quote from an art teacher named Donna who works at a school nearby Sandy Hook Elementary.

“I don’t know if the rest of the country is struggling to understand it the same way we are here,”

she said. “Life goes on, but you’re not the same. Is the rest of the country — are they going about their regular activities?

Is it just another news story to them?”


Ms. Donna,  I’m so sorry that you feel this and I don’t want to speak to things that I do not cannot understand.


I don’t know because I am a slow to speak and I need time to weep with those who weep. To listen. I don’t know how others heal and rebound so much quicker than I, but I sure am thankful that they do. I need to share their faith and their hope until mine is ready to use.


I don’t know how it works that we can all take turns being the strong one in this Kingdom Family, but thank God we can. Because we need each other and that…is community.


I don’t know what to say because I’m not ready to get loud about these things yet. I’m not ready to “be angry and not sin.”


I don’t know exactly where I stand on gun control and the right to carry.


I have no idea what it does to a person when they lose their child or their student or their sister or mother.


I’m not sure how to express my opinion kindly if I were asked about violence and mental illness.


And I have no idea what to say about the separation of church and state and how that factors into senseless acts of violence in schools.


I don’t stand hard and fast on any one of these topics and I’m glad to be left out of those conversations.



However, there are some things that I do know to be true.


I know that this is not home. A friend’s reaction to this was to say she had never felt more homesick.


I know that there is a good God in heaven who is Faithful and True. And I know that the world I live in is fallen, dark and filled with sorrow.


I do know that there is a reason to celebrate Christmas even in the wake of this great loss. The Lord of heaven sent His son to us to save us from all this darkness and to redeem us from sin and death. Two thousand years ago there was a light that broke through in the mist of a profound darkness that included the death of many of Bethlehem’s children whose faces weren’t scrolled across TV sets or read nationally. Harred was the murderer who could not put out the Light.


I know that the cries of that baby boy were heard as a holy roar by the evil one and that by those cries Satan knew he was headed for ultimate defeat.


And I know that if the incarnation tells us anything, it’s that God can’t be kept out.


We can know that He is with us…always. He’s there even when we say “Happy holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”.



The King of Kings needs no invitation from earthly empires to arrive.

So friends, I know that if you try to “systematically remove” the omnipresent, omnipotent God whom I serve, I know you. will. fail.


He was just as present in Newton, Connecticut as He was in my heart in Fenton, Missouri that morning.


I know that evil has come to steal, to kill and to destroy all that is of God. Children are living examples of the hope, promise and tenderness of God…and Satan hates them.


I know that he will fail miserably in the end because I AM is mighty to save. And I know that He is just.


I know that no words will help to ease the suffering of families without their children this Christmas.


But I also know we’re called to live as Light in this dark place called Earth. And as much as something like this makes me want to stay at home wrapped up in the love of my immediate family in a protective bubble, I know that the love of God is meant to go out into that world. He has overcome!


I know that the second time He comes will not be so meek and mild. He is our conquering King coming in on a white horse to vanquish all evil and sin.


Lastly, I know that until that time comes, I’ll stand amongst brothers and sisters and pass along prayer as a peace-giver. I know that I need to stand with others praying to Father because sometimes all that I am able to utter is “yes” and “amen”.


I can’t talk about logistics because I just don’t know that to say.


I have no opinions as a “mental health professional trainee”.


But there are some things that I know with every inch of my being.

    He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus!

    The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.

::Revelation 22:20-21 ::


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