So you can come along

A girl with stories

Absurd December 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Amanda Lynn @ 3:38 pm

“Wait. So, you’re going to graduate school? And you’re planning on getting a doctoral degree??? Good for you.”

Um, yes, thanks.

“But you’re not married?!”

Right.

“Well, sweetie, I say this with love, but…that’s absurd.”

*************************************************************

That happened this week.

You know what else happened?

I was called some extremely mean names by strangers who don’t know my name let alone my heart.

And even though they don’t know me, those words still hurt.

No woman, no matter how self-assured, can easily forget the words that defy her beauty. Words that should not be said nor heard. Words that cut deep into her longing to be honored.

I told a best friend about those words. I told her about it all through tears and through vulnerability. And you know what she said?…..“Manda, that’s absurd! You are loved and you are beautiful. You are known. You are the most genuine woman I have ever known. I truly mean all that.”

********************************************************

It got me thinking (because I over-think most things).

What’s more absurd?

The fact that I’m an unmarried, Christian woman in her mid-twenties who wants to pursue higher education….or that some stranger called me hateful things from a passing car?

And I’m not sure.

So, I asked the Lord what to do with all of this. I told him how I feel like a whiner, but that I was having a really rough week handling this onslaught of words.

And you know what one of my favorite things about Abba is?

It’s that He is inexhaustible.

He doesn’t balk at my silly wounds – he listens as if I’m the only one speaking in a world full of real needs. He is big enough to handle all the details of my limitation while still running the universe. Even when I am starkly aware that my being insecure enough to need His reassurance makes me a failure in the “being others-focused” department.

Even then, He was there for me to sort through the absurdity of it all.

Together, we took a look at what else is considered absurd. I needed reminded that my identity is secure in who I am in Him.

That identity is unshakable (even when meanness is slung my way and I react in indignation). I’m the good child, obedient daughter, the straight A student, the “nice” one“sweet Amanda Lynn”….Doesn’t that count for anything?

His reaction wasn’t to affirm those performance driven strivings.

Instead He helped me to see “absurdity” in a different light.

********************************************************

A couple thousand years ago there was a really sweet girl, an obedient daughter. She, a virgin, gave birth to the Savior amidst the stench of a stable and placed the Son of God in a feeding trough.

Absurdity.

She must have been starkly aware of how her first pregnancy made her a failure in the eyes of others in the purity department. Even the church today might see her as yet another unwed, teenage mother. No job, no plan. Just a lack of obedience.

But none of that was true. She was obedient. She was pure.

And, the greatest absurdity ever known…the only sinless human to ever live, died willingly for a people who disown Him daily.

In this, I stand up tall, head held high as my absurdity puts me in good company with the One who can sympathize in every way.  {Hebrews 4:14-16}

So, I’ve decided to own it. All of it.

I am a single graduate student.

I am looking forward to a doctoral degree.

I’m “bookish”.

I’m not designed to be tall or super thin.

I am easily affected by random hatred.

I am deeply in need of the Lord’s constant reassurance. 

I am an heir to the Kingdom.

I have been made wholly beautiful. {Ecc 3:11}

I am covered in grace.

I am both fully known and loved.

I am absurd.

And I’m to carry this absurd love into the world.

The world with all of its meanness, all of its careless disouragment…because I was loved through all of that too. He can redeem anything.

And redemption is so beautiful…some would call it absurd.

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