Hemmed in on Father’s Day June 20, 2021

1993 AD – Missouri

There in a little two bedroom house, you could find a father, mother, two little girls, and a baby boy. As the sun set, after dinner was had, baths were taken, and teeth were brushed, it would be time for bedtime prayers and tucking in. The younger of the two girls, not more than 6, would fill with a familiar dread. Night meant night terrors for her. Each night, like the night before, and the night ahead, her dad would pray the 91st Psalm over her and her siblings. There were special knowing looks during the ” And under His wings you may take refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and wall. You will not be afraid of the terror by night,
Or of the arrow that flies by day;“…..He’d look his nearly 6 year old girl in the eye, smile, and read, “For He will give His angels orders concerning you, To protect you in all your ways.“ There, he’d pause and say, “Angels all around your bed. You can sleep.”

Some nights, there was peaceful sleep. Other nights, when the terror of the night took hold and left her screaming in her bed in a state between sleep and waking, her father would wrap the littlest girl in his arms and carry her out of the shared sibling bedroom. He’d sit with her on the couch praying and holding her until she came to. Her entry back into reality was filled with her father reading scripture over her. “You’re safe. I’m here. It’s all ok.”

Father’s Day circa 1990

1446 BC – Wilderness

The people of Israel were free, but wandering due to unbelief. Even in this state of denying the truth of who Elohim is, our God had every plan to meet with them. So instructions were given on exactly how to prepare a meeting place. One integral part of the instructions was for the ark that would be a vehicle or and container for the covenant promise of God to His people.

On top of the ark were two angels carved in gold. They faced outward and their wings extended over the mercy seat. The mercy seat, was fashioned to receive the sacrifice which invited the holiness of God’s presence to come in the form of a cloud. (Exodus 37)

1445 BC – Wilderness

Then the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle. And Moses was not able to enter the tent of meeting because the cloud settled on it, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle.  (Exodus 40)

Fast forward to 516 BC – Judah

The people of Israel have moved from the tabernacle in the wilderness through to the promised land. They follow the Lord, then they don’t, then they get conquered a few times. The Lord sent prophets to keep communicating the promise. The Psalm read and prayed over the little girl in 1993 AD had been penned between the making of the ark with the mercy seat under the wings, and this prophesy of the sun of righteousness with healing.

But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. (Malachi 4)

After the prophesy in Malachi, there was a long wait. Hundreds of years waiting. The people of Israel continued to look for the one with healing in His wings. During the wait, they lived under the law. There were laws on dressing. Jewish men wore a “tallit”, the prayer shawl. The hem of that prayer shawl always had fringes. The fringes were a reminder of the protection of YHWH and represented the “feathers” of the wings of His refuge. They knew about the wings over the mercy seat. They knew the words of the Psalm that would be read over that little girl. They knew the promise in Malachi.

28 AD – Philippi

There we would find another daughter. This one older than the one with night terrors. Her own need was great. For 12 years she bled without stopping. This made her an outcast. She as “unclean” and not fit for socializing. No going to temple. Anything she touched or sat on would have been considered unclean. She heard Jesus of Nazareth was traveling through and knew she had nothing to offer. She’d given her everything for healing with no relief; she just got worse. She came to a crowded place, surely knowing there’d social rejection for pressing in. ” “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” So, she saw him, she came up behind him and touched the hem, the fringe of his garment. Immediately, she was healed.

Jesus knew what had happened, and yet he asked who touched him. She was so afraid to be seen, and to confess her need, even after it was met. She shook and fell before her Healer as she told him the truth. Of all the things Christ could have done or said it was, “ “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.” (Luke 8)

The truth of the wings, even the feathers, which bring healing was true that day and it will always be true. There is refuge and healing in the wings of this Son of man who is the fulfillment of all the promises. He is their “Yes and Amen”.

This hem of healing and all the woven connections of the Psalm prayed over an anxious heart. Here is the hem for today. Behind me, before me.

1048 BC – Jerusalem

You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.

That same hem of healing and refuge, it’s long and wide enough for us all.

740 BC – Judah

In the year that King Uzziah died I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to another and said:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;
the whole earth is full of his glory!”

And the foundations of the thresholds shook at the voice of him who called, and the house was filled with smoke.

December 2020 AD – Missouri

In a 4 bedroom house, you’ll find a father, mother, two daughters, a son-in-law, and that baby boy who is all grown up. The father had lived to serve and love God as his refuge and his healer. He led others, including that little girl with the night terrors, to do the same. This brilliant man was in need of healing. The family who loved him needed a refuge. Dementia is cruel and unforgiving and is aptly named for the way it seems to seek, kill, and destroy the host. It was the night before Heaven for my dad. Confession, I’m the little girl from 1993. That night in December it was clear my dad, my rock of steady faith, was being terrorized. All I knew to do was to pull up that 91st Psalm and read aloud over him.

And under His wings you may take refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and wall. You will not be afraid of the terror by night, or of the arrow that flies by day; For He will give His angels orders concerning you, To protect you in all your ways.“ There, I paused and said, “Angels all around your bed. You can sleep.”

That last prayer I prayed over my dad ended with,

Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
    I will protect him, because he knows my name.
 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble;
    I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

Amen.

Even as I came to those last few verses, my dad was visibly at peace. My mom stood there with me and agreed in prayer. The wings over the mercy aren’t worth comparing to the empty grave with angels on either side of the place our Savior laid. The sacrifice paid once for all time. He arose! And He whose hem has healing, our Refuge, he will come again. He will bring healing forever! That truth made the morning of December the 31st on the hardest year yet filled with both grief and rejoicing for the relief of suffering once for all for my beloved dad. The image of my mom lifting a hand to heaven through tears praising God’s name for salvation will always stand as an Ebenezer for me.

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In truth, I’ve dreaded this day for a couple of months now. It’s officially the longest day of the year and I feel each hour of that. So many loved ones have made the load lighter. The common thread is they all point to the already and not yet of eternal healing and presence of the one who rose with healing in His wings. Who commands angels. Our Salvation who brings a blessed reunion not only with Himself, but with one another.

Until then, I live hemmed in behind and before. He who commands His angels guard over me, He keeps my dad in perfect peace. He rescued my dad and will sustain me. Living holding fast to the fringes of His garment in faith looks like confessing weekly, corporately that I believe in the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting. It looks like weekly singing that there is praise given by all creatures here below and the Heavenly host (one I miss terribly) as we collectively glorify the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen One week, one day as it comes, however long they may be. The end makes the middle worth it.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” 

Memory & the Big 70 September 23, 2022

Happy 2nd day of Fall!

The pumpkin bread just came out of the oven. The windows are open.

I’m wearing one of my dad’s favorite flannels that hangs around me like a hug and I have Johnny Cash’s greatest hits playing on the record player.

Today, would be my dad’s 70th birthday. I like to say it IS his 70th birthday. September 23rd, 1952 will always be the day he was born and if we believe what Jesus told his beloved friend, Martha after her brother died… “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

My dad believed this. I believe this. So here we are knowing the day my dad’s life began remains even after his life ends. We honor a life by remembering.

In the Lynn family there are 5 birthdays. My sister kicks it off in late July, I’m two weeks later in mid August leaving the other three in September. First my mom, then my dad, and my brother four days later. We marched through my first 33 years with a regular rhythm of celebrating for 3 months straight.

This rhythm brings with it all the memories you would imagine. The first day of fall is always the day before, day of, or day after my dad’s birthday.

Cicada love songs, meteor showers wrapping up, crock pots full of chili, the leaves of the Sassafras and Sumac turning yellow and scarlet, and the smell of sawdust and wood smoke filling the air.

The things I see, smell, hear, feel, and taste with repetitive consistency all carry on regardless of the empty seat at the family table.

What a truly incredible gift it is to have memory! Did you know we have around 10 BILLION neurons? Scientists have said we use about 20% of those billions of neurons when we remember something.

Our ability to see, hear, smell, feel, and taste all aid in this recall. The Lord designed us to remember.

January 10, 2021

 Sitting in the church built in the 1800’s, my husband preached out out of the book of 1 Peter and it was time to take communion in the church he was helping. It would be the first time I had the elements since my dad’s passing.

And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”

This reminder of Jesus’ sacrifice to give us the life my dad now lives, it is tied to the senses. Of all the things Jesus could have given His Church to use to remember, it was this meal. So for thousands of years, we eat and we drink remembering. He will drink it with us anew in the Kingdom. So we toast the past, the future and practice the gratitude of His presence.

Because we are creatures of memory and sensing, God graciously meets us there in our human abilities to sense.

Peter knew there was prediction over his life and faith that he would soon deny the One he knew as Lord. He did. He did 3 times. And the denial was over a charcoal fire.

After the glorious resurrection of Him who Himself is the resurrection and the life, Jesus met Peter to restore him over, you guessed it, a charcoal fire. In an incredible measure of intentional love, Jesus knew how strongly our sense of smell is tied to memory. He cared for Peter in this way of restoration in relationship while also restoring the memories that were tied to the sights, sounds, and smells of the charcoal fire.

So tonight, we will have a bonfire at my parents’ house.

The familiar sounds of crackling wood, the pops and hisses of escaping air, the smoke rising and following any breeze that comes along with the roasted hot dogs and mallows are exactly what ties us back to countless bonfires my dad would ready for us. A good bonfire in the fall is on Mike Lynn’s top ten list for sure.

There will be the smell of sawdust and wood smoke filling the air with crockpots full of chili. We honor birthdays because, though he died, yet he lives. We practice gratitude for memory because it’s easy to take memory for granted and we refuse to. For today, I’ll use my 20% of the 10 billion neurons I have to honor the life and legacy of Mike Lynn and do it with a s’more in my hand.

 

I remember when I was a lad
times were hard and things were bad
but there’s a silver linin’ behind ev’ry cloud
just four people that ‘s all we were
tryin’ to make a livin’ out of black-land dirt
but we’d get together in a family circle singin’ loud

Daddy sang bass (mama sang tenor)
me and little brother would join right in there
singin’ seems to help a troubled soul
one of these days and it won’t be long
I’ll rejoin them in a song
I’m gonna join the family circle at the throne

Though the circle won’t be broken
by and by, lord, by and by
daddy sang bass (mama sang tenor)
me and little brother would join right in there
in the sky, lord, in the sky

now i remember after work mama would call in all of us
you could hear us singin’ for a country mile
now little brother has done gone on
but I’ll rejoin him in a song
we’ll be together again up yonder in a little while

daddy sang bass (mama sang tenor)
me and little brother would join right in there
’cause singin’ seems to help a troubled soul
one of these days and it won’t be long
I’ll rejoin them in a song
I’m gonna join the family circle at the throne

Oh no the circle won’t be broken
by and by, lord, by and by
daddy sang bass (mama sang tenor)
me and little brother would join right in there
in the sky, lord, in the sky

To Have & To Hold October 18, 2020

October 18th, 2020

One year ago today. What an incredible and unbelievable year it’s been. I stood outside the wooden double doors to the sanctuary knowing with my whole heart that what was waiting on the other side would change everything from my last name to my last breath. I only had a second or two to take those deep breaths of knowing and there was a tug on my right arm. Dad. There he was smiling at me. “Ready? It’s ok.” And I leaned my head on his shoulder just before the doors opened to hundreds of our loved ones with smiling faces. 

I hugged my dad’s left arm and we walked together to music quoting the truths of Ephesians chapter 5. Words played about laying ourselves down on the altar of God’s will and being washed clean in the water of the Word. 

There at the altar, my dad let everyone know that he and my mom were giving me away to be married to Matt. There, my dad looked Matt straight in the eye, shook my soon-to-be husband’s hand, as he squeezed mine tight and smiled as he turned to sit with my mom. Just like that, it went from Dad and I to Matt and I. 

Matt’s was the only face I saw in the sea full of loving faces for the next 30 minutes. We vowed there at that altar to lay ourselves down for the sake of the other, to honor Christ as we honor one another. We exchanged rings on that promise as we vowed that regardless of the good or bad times, the riches or the lack, the health or hardship, that we’d stay and love. We broke the bread and drank the wine together in honor of the sacrifice that made our love possible. We sang. Oh did we sing! Songs about the foundation of our lives being built on the love of God and the sufficiency of Christ in all things were sung by any and all who wanted to agree. We listened as the words of John’s Revelation were read over us. This reminder that our commitment and love are only painting a picture of what is and is to come in Christ’s love for his Bride. 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

Just a few minutes later, we were pronounced a Mr. and his Mrs. and we kissed just as Ray Charles played over the speakers. With joy, we walked up that same aisle together that dad and I had come down. It was an incredible night of celebrating the joy together with our loved ones. 

I can tell you that we love each other more 365 days later than we did that day. I can tell you that by God’s grace, we will continue to. 2020 held more for us than we could have imagined in the way of good and hard. A week after our honeymoon, my dad was diagnosed with dementia. Two months later, I was asked to be a partner at my counseling practice. That same day I signed papers for becoming a partner, we got an email saying we’d need to move out of our apartment. Just a couple months after that, our whole world changed along with everyone else’s with a global pandemic. 

Over this year, I’ve watched my husband choose Jesus over fear, over loss, over uncertainty, over despair. I’ve seen him grow in wisdom, in patience, and in hope. He has chosen to love Jesus more than he loves me and it has already been evident how good that is for me.

Over this year, I’ve also watched my dad slip away. In this year, his personality of being patient, kind and incredibly wise has moved to being impulsive, anxious, and unkind. The dementia has come into the part of the brain that makes him who he is and twisted it. We have missed his ability to speak clearly, to walk without assistance, to perform daily tasks. I’ve watched him come in and out of the hospital fighting outlying symptoms of this terrible disease. 

Through all this, I see Matt being a tangible grace to me. He sees and is patient with my struggle in learning to be a wife and a daughter losing her dad at the same time. Of being a wife and partner in a practice. Of being the same girl he married who now mourns loss daily. I see my dad forgetting most things but still knowing my name and still communicating that he wants gospel music played. I see him murmuring prayers when he can’t form words and watch Romans 8:26 and 27 unfold before me. 

 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Here lately, nights are the hardest. I wake up crying and I hear my husband praying over me. I hear murmuring prayers of another kind. In this I know, the men in my life pray. They posture themselves before the God who is able. 

Today, we celebrate one year together. We celebrate with gladness in one hand and tear filled tissue in the other. We see the “already and not yet” in this year. Celebrating together is our honor as we defy the darkness of the enemy of our souls. Even in what he is taking, he has already lost! 

It was two weeks before my 6th birthday that I prayed for salvation from sin through Jesus. My dad was there for every nightmare, every crazy question, every bedtime prayer. When I was a little girl and I was anxious, my dad would place his hand on my head and say, “You have the mind of Christ. So you can give him ALL your thoughts and He’ll hold them for you. Take his peace.” In one of my most recent visits with dad, he was so afraid at night. I had to head home and before I left, I put my hand on his head and with my voice breaking, I said, “You have the mind of Christ, dad. So you can give ALL your thoughts and He’ll hold them for you. Take His peace.”. He squeezed my hand and made out a slow and broken, “I love you”. 

This year, I take hold of all I have while remembering to open hands and give thanks to the God who gives and takes away. He is faithful even in 2020. 

About six months ago now, when my dad could still speak in full sentences with more clarity, he told me that he prays for me every night. I asked him what he prays and his answer was, “I pray that you keep loving the Lord your whole life and stay married always.” He could not have known then how the Spirit of God would use those prayers to encourage me and keep my days centered and in right order. 

Yes and amen to that prayer of my father. May God give me grace and mercy that I could love Him all my days and stay married always. I am the daughter of a man of God who trusted this man I married to love and lead me toward Jesus. 

In this year, I have a husband who I hold dearly and I honor what I’m losing. Matt has been there for the better parts and the worst, through this valley of sickness and walking toward health, it has been the most tender time of my life as I grow in love and trust from this day forward until death parts us. 

Safe Keeping February 16, 2018

With the horrifying tragedy that took place on Valentine’s Day in Parkland, Florida, there are opinions and questions galore surrounding the events of that day. The go-to topics typically include gun control, Christian ethics in schools, and mental illness.

What I am not hearing much about is how to comfort those who mourn, how to be present to pain in others, how to speak to children in their fear. I cannot imagine the pain of parents in Parkland or the fear of parents anywhere else in our country. Same goes for school teachers who bravely show up with hope each day. I can speak from the place of counselor who gets the privilege to meet with inspiring high school students regularly.

If it were possible for me to assure their safety in the seven days that pass between our appointments, I would. As far as it depends on me, I do. But coming to terms with the fact that my power is limited is truly a relief. As much as I believe any parent I know would readily exchange their own life for the lives of their children, I know their power is limited as well. The same goes for their beloved teachers and the brave first respondents. Not a one of us can assure the physical safety of a child at all times. Aside from the other end of the safety spectrum of locking children in a room away from society, there is no assurance of safety (and that definitely brings its own gamete of issues).

These events are fueled by hurt, hate and uncontrolled, all-consuming anger. So what can we do to keep children safe? The answer isn’t evacuation procedures or gun control or increasing mental health screenings. Those are great and needed things, but they aren’t the answer. Love is the answer. Jesus Christ is the only answer.

While we could try with all we have to keep children physically safe, we cannot. What we can do is show them our trust in the God who can hold all things together. We can model love as the only solution to protect them from hate. We can model this unwavering, unshakable, unconditional love as the only true remedy to fear. When we let fear and hate grab the ankles of our children we will see them falling into hurt.

We can be the safe places they need to express anger, fear or hurt and in so doing, create safety through a patient, listening ear. We can weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn before we offer up any opinions. If we skip that, we skip seeing the humanity in each of those suffering and turn them into examples for our arguments.

As far as having Christian morals in our schools, we are warned in scripture that the days are going to get increasingly more evil. Again, our answer is love in the face of hate and truth in the darkness always, but not because it is moral, because it is Christ in us! Regardless of what school boards say, there is a good God in heaven who is Faithful and True. The world we live in is fallen, dark and filled with sorrow. Two thousand years ago there was a light that broke through a profound darkness. If the incarnation tells us anything, it’s that God can’t be kept out. The King of Kings needs no invitation from earthly empires to arrive. If you try to “systematically remove” the omnipresent, omnipotent God whom we serve, I know you will fail.

To create safe places we can remember we are called to live as light in this dark place called Earth. And as much as something like this makes me want to stay at home wrapped up in the love of my immediate family in a protective bubble, I know that the love of God is meant to go out into that world. He has overcome!

If you and/or your children have questions or are looking for support in light of these events, please do not hesitate to reach out for the supports in your area. Genesis Christian Counseling is here and ready to help!

Advent, Light and Life December 14, 2017

In the beginning there was a voice, the Creator. “Let there be light.” and he separated the light from the darkness and there was morning and there was evening for the very first time (Genesis 1). This same voice breathed out the little lights to govern the night; because even in the darkness, He provides the light.
There was a promise made under those same stars, even after everything went wrong and we decided the Creator, the Light-maker, was not worthy of our trusting obedience. So darkness broke open with separation and death…but the Light continued to shine. He continued his long-range plan to separate the light from the darkness. The same God who created the stars and man, used the same voice with which He calls out the lights by name to speak that promise under the stars of a blessing for all (Genesis 15).
We, the created, continued to walk in darkness as slaves to sin and the same voice spoke as light shown from a bush that would not burn up and another promise was made in the darkness (Exodus 3). That same promise-keeping, light-breathing, Creator made a way in the wilderness with a pillar of light to guide as sin sent us wandering (Exodus 13)
Never once did He intend for us, the promise-receivers to be alone. Never once. So in His long-term plan to separate the Light and the darkness, He sent the best He had. He sent Himself, the only Son he had, fully God and fully man, to us. Light came, born in darkness into the middle of darkness, under the same stars of promise He breathed out centuries before, to redeem every one of us and so to separate us from the darkness once and for all.

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shone.
:: Isaiah 9: 2 ::

Thus says God, the LORD,
who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and what comes from it,
who gives breath to the people on it
and spirit to those who walk in it:
“I am the LORD; I have called you in righteousness;
I will take you by the hand and keep you;
I will give you as a covenant for the people,
a light for the nations,
to open the eyes that are blind,
to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon,
from the prison those who sit in darkness.
:: Isaiah 42: 5-7 ::

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not anything made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
:: John 1: 1-5 ::

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you,

that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
:: 1 John 1: 5 ::

Jesus came and made right every wrong that hung like chains on each of us. He came with grace so weightless, so full of light, it pierced right through the darkest of nights and the darkest of hearts, filling every single inch with everlasting, never-ending, chain-breaking grace!

Jesus said to them, “For a little while longer the Light is among you Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes. “While you have the Light, believe in the Light, so that you may become sons of Light”….”I have come as Light into the world, so that everyone who believes in me will not remain in darkness”.
:: John 12: 35-36, 46 ::

Our Savior, the Light, came into our darkness and died in darkness for you and for me (Matthew 27). He took on all the hurt, the shame, the separation, the wrath that was due us because of His great love. This is the hope of Advent; the Light came to save us in the darkest of nights, died and rose in the dawn’s early light. The Father called to each star in the sky, the same little lights he made in the beginning, the same stars he made a promise to Abraham under, the same stars that shone over the very first Advent in Bethlehem 33 years earlier…He called to them as they made way for the greater light, the sun, to dawn and announce the resurrection morning that gives us cause for hope in the second Advent. Jesus, the Light of the world, arose with his face shining like lightning (Matthew 28)!

For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.
:: 2 Corinthians 4:6 ::

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This Advent season started for me, appropriately enough, in a waiting room. There, we prayed to the God of Advent, who spoke the light into being, the God who breathed out stars and came to be Emmanuel, God WITH us. My dad was about to go under for another heart procedure with a promised more permanent fix.
The night before Advent, I was driving home from some counseling sessions. I make this drive regularly and without much thought. That night was different though. All the sudden, on my right, was a valley of light. Every roof in that subdivision was lined in white lights, like glowing arrows pointed up. Without even thinking about it, I slowed down, took a deep breath and exhaled a whispered, “Thank you.”
In this season when the nights are longest, coldest…He has us intentionally looking for light. Candles, Christmas trees, fire places, all the warmth and light dispelling darkness. This year more than any other, I’m finding myself and the ones I love intentionally scheduling our time to go and look at lights all around us. There is this budgeting of time and making space to seek out light.

That same Light of Advent, shone during our stay in the waiting room for what felt like the longest six hours ever, and led us to fix our eyes not on what is seen in the darkness but what is unseen (2 Corinthians 4). Our hope and prayer is in our Creator who separates the Light from the darkness. He is our, “Hallelujah” in the midst of the waiting, when my hope felt bruised up and my weeping eyes weary, He is always there, doing a new thing.
After those long hours, we met my dad in the recovery room where one of the first things he asked for was for me to play “How Great Thou Art”. As the anesthetic wore off, right there in his hospital bed, the Light of Advent and the lightness of grace so weightless caused a grateful hand to raise, palm open, giving praise and receiving grace.

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For you and I this Advent and Christmas, whether in hospital beds or church pews, in the darkest of nights or the lightest of dawns, we can look up and raise our heads, because our redemption is drawing near (Luke 21: 28). Because of our great, unchanging God who separates the Light from the darkness, we can look up just as Abraham did at that star filled sky, just as the wise men did to find the star over our Savior, just as we will when the God of the Second Advent arrives! We look for the Light!

And I saw no temple in the city, for its temple is the Lord God the Almighty and the Lamb. And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it,

for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb.

:: Revelation 21:22-23 ::

They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.

:: Revelation 22: 4-5 ::

Us and Them September 14, 2017

But what about the children?

Don’t you know they’ll have no place?

Don’t you know we’re to be separate, called out?

You know that means from “them”, right?

And doesn’t it say not be unequally yoked?

But what about the curse of Ham?

What do you have in common anyway?

Relationships are hard enough without that added difficulty.

I’m only saying this because I’m trying to protect you.

Don’t you know the risk you’re taking?

Times may have changed, but some things will never

You’ll bring the hardship on yourself

What do you have to prove?

Why are you doing this to me? To us?

You think you’re alright now, but you just wait….

Are you alright with never being fully understood?

Why now? Don’t you see the news?

I’m not saying “we’re” any better than “them”. I’m just saying “we’re” different.

You know, it’s not just “us”. You think “they’ll” accept you?

Does he have any children? I didn’t ask if he has been married, I asked if he has any children? How can you be sure?

How black is he? Does he act black?

Does he expect you to act that way?

You can’t possibly. I forbid it. What will people say?

 

 

********

I’m the great-granddaughter of a full-blooded Irishman, a gentle and beautiful French lady on one side. On the other, I’m the great-granddaughter of a strong and vivacious polish woman with a severely stubborn Irish husband from the wrong side of the tracks. There is a little English decent sprinkled in on both sides. I am a child of intermarriage to the nth degree. The melanin count may have remained the same all the way through, but my DNA tells a beautiful story with chapters from several countries in Europe. In those chapters you will find a variety of clans, tribes, tounges and many “You can’t possibly“‘s, “I forbid it”‘s, “What will people say?“…With many “There’s ‘us’ and there’s ‘them’.” to top it all off. It never stopped the love that trickled down to me in grace to say, “My name is Amanda Elizabeth Lynn “One worthy of love, consecrated to God with a surname being Celtic for ‘near the water’.” 

 

********

 

God created man in His own image, 

in the image of God He created him;

male and female He created them.

:: Genesis 1: 27 ::

 

There is neither Jew nor Greek,

there is neither slave nor free man,

there is neither male nor female;

for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

:: Galatians 3:28 ::

 

For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility  by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility.

:: Ephesians 2: 14-16 ::

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy,  complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

:: Philippians 2: 1-8 ::

 And he became hungry and wanted something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance and saw the heavens opened and something like a great sheet descending, being let down by its four corners upon the earth. In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. And there came a voice to him: “Rise, Peter; kill and eat.” But Peter said, “By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean.”  And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has made clean, do not call common.” This happened three times, and the thing was taken up at once to heaven.

So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him.

:: Acts 10: 10-16, 34-35 ::

 

There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek.  For God shows no partiality.

:: Romans 2: 9-11 ::

 

My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,”  have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? 

If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.

:: James 2: 1-4, 8-9 ::

 

After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands,and crying out with a loud voice, “Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”

:: Revelation 7:9-10 ::

 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

:: John 3:16 ::

Promises, Promises September 13, 2017

When was the last time you made a promise? Do you remember the last time someone made you one? Did they keep it?

My dad has always told me that a person’s word is invaluable. He has always shown my brother, sister and I how to be one who follows through on what they say, someone you can count on. “A person’s only as good as their word.”

These last couple of months have been wrought with unanswered questions, health scares that are drawn out and slow, devastation of both the natural and relational across our country and here among my family and beloved friends.

It’s in these times that we can run to whatever types of shelter we have built. In our family, that shelter is built on a solid rock and is known by one name, the Word of God.  Our one defense against anxiety and despair are the promises found there. They are both faithful and true.

Things get sticky though, when we confuse our wants with what He promises.

He promises us that He is and will be near to the brokenhearted, that he binds up their wounds. He doesn’t promise that our hearts won’t break.

When he speaks about who he is, he says that in Him, all things hold together. What he doesn’t promise us is that it won’t feel sometimes like all things are falling apart.

He does not promise that some days we will feel completely out of control. He does promise that a moment has never and will never pass in which He was not sovereign over all things. 

He does not promise that we won’t have trouble. In fact, he promises we will and he promises to never leave us, never forget us, and that he has overcome the world.

He does not promise that we won’t wait or have unanswered questions or feel helpless. But he does promise that He is good, that He will never change, that He knows all our days before they come to be and that He works all things together for his glorious purpose…which is for our good!

He does not promise that there will not be suffering, times of hunger, destitution, danger, low lows, or even death. But He does promise that there is NOTHING that can separate us from His love.

When it seems like nothing else will hold, we have an anchor of hope for our souls, sure and steadfast. And surely every word He speaks is a promise because he is the author of truth

 

**********

In the past couple of months, my family has spent more time in hospital waiting rooms than we’d wish on anyone. Really, if I’m honest, that’s been the modus operandi for my family for the last two years. I have learned that when the nurse comes in with a somber face and says the doctor will be coming in to speak with you…it’s rarely to provide good news. I have learned that there is community unlike anything I have experienced elsewhere found in that ICU waiting room. I have learned what it means to celebrate every small victory and mourn every loss whether it’s for “us” or for “them”…Because really those victories and losses were truly just OURS.

In this season (please let it be a season because that means it changes), my dad’s value of keeping one’s word meant a whole lot of him pointing me to the One whose word never fails. 

As I type this, friends, a clot about 3 peppercorns wide (that’s the way the cardiologist described it) is residing in my dad’s heart. It feels more like a tiny time bomb than it does pepper, but that’s just me. It came to be due to his heart being out of normal rhythm. To reset the rhythm, we wait. We wait on the clot to dissolve and pray God keeps it right smack dab where it is. And if you missed the operative word in this paragraph..it’s WAIT. It is slow work. Dependent. It’s a palms-wide-open-helplessly-desperate type of waiting.

During this time of waiting, we remember the promises of God are not our wants. They are truer and more steadfast than our deceptively sinful hearts’ desires.

I don’t know what you’re waiting on right now. Maybe it’s the child you desperately long for, or the spouse who you feel will complete you, or the job that would solve all the problems. In our lack of the things we are waiting on, we have a choice to make. We can choose to focus our eyes on what we do not have or on what is already ours in the promises of our Creator. He is GOD. And He chose to be GOD WITH US. The Creator of the universe promises to never leave us. He died and rose conquering death to secure that promise of position for us. The position of being right there WITH HIM.

 

 

For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory.  It is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has anointed us, and who has also put his seal on us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.

:: 2 Corinthians 1:19-22 ::

 

 

 

Hope at the Corner of Shame & Despair July 13, 2017

She was 16 when we met. Her blue eyes met her shoe laces more than they met mine. It was clear she had been crying soon before showing up. Her mom had called a few days earlier and clued me into the heaviness that kept this girl’s head bowed. Sin and hurt brought on by others has the ability to bring shame so weighty it feels crushing, even suffocating. This is where we met, at the corner of shame and despair. We started down that road together one step at a time. Walking with her, I knew the ravages of sin are too much for any words I have, but there is a Healer. As I ushered this young lady into the presence of Him who died so she might live, the Word came alive in a new way. I watched the Word heal and repair a wound so severe that my words would not stand a chance.
Over the course of the next few months, she shared her invaluable story with me and piece by piece, she bravely offered it not only with me, but to the Lord. At first, her instinct was to draw back as tears would fill her eyes as the lie that she was irreparably broken or was “too much” clouded her mind. It was there the Word of God would do what only the Word can do. She pressed in and found the story of God replete with instances of Him taking the worst case scenario, restoring it and redeeming it to be more than we could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:17). She found herself in women like Dinah and Tamar (Genesis 34 & 38) and recognized these women as central to the greater story of our Creator wanting to be near us. For it is in and through these women’s family tree that Christ chose to make his earthly entrance.
As this precious girl saw her story within the whole story of scripture, the healing came in slow yet steady waves. With each passing week, those blue eyes became clearer and the ratio of shoe gazing to eye contact started to shift. It was a true picture of Psalm 34:4-5

I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

Soul questions rose to the surface during this season as we walked together. Truthfully, both of us were asking, “What if I let go with both hands of trying to be enough? What if it turns out I am too much of the wrong and not enough of the right?” This is where the living and active Word, which does not return void, but accomplishes the purposes of God (Hebrews 4:12 & Isaiah 55:11) continued to be more than enough. She began to see that it is not the story of abuse that makes her invaluable in the greater story of God. She saw herself as defined not by her story, rather by what the Word says about her.

The Word meets us in our deepest need: this young lady’s, mine, and in yours. I have seen the gift of God’s word at work renewing minds and can certainly say your story also fits into the greater story of His redemption. Our hurts, our indescribably difficult circumstances, are probably incredibly diverse. Yet we can be sure of His character has been, is and will be the God who wants to be near us, to heal us, who never waivers.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

:: Psalm 147:3 ::

The God of all creation who has been pursuing us from a garden, (Genesis 1) through all the hurt, will meet us, forgiven, healed and whole in a glorious city (Revelation 21) where I am sure those blue eyes will ditch the shoe laces for good and gaze upon His face.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

:: Revelation 21:4 ::

Helmet Child June 4, 2017

Would you consider yourself a protective person? Pretty chill until someone messes with one of your people and then you’re up in arms? About wanting to keep someone from any perceived threat?

Protecting others can be tricky.

I want to tell you a story about a kid who wore a helmet when her parents discovered she was a bit too clumsy, accident, prone curious for the average toddler.

What if they hadn’t put the helmet on her? And instead they had put her in fences of a play pin with only a 4×4 space to explore? Or what if they used a “child safety tether” (read: leash) instead?

There she was, the kid with a helmet whose dad pulled her back from walking in distractedly in front of a few buses. The same kid sneaky watched an episode of E.R. behind the parents (who were totally obsessed) circa 1996. In that episode, they highlighted the genocide in Rwanda and she decided then and there, tears and all, that she was going to have to go to Africa. That same kid’s parents stood at security and hugged her off to India, then to her long-awaited Africa, then to her graduate school where they couldn’t put a helmet on her to keep her from bearing the burdens of others. That same kid was drawn to jobs like emergency rooms, safe houses for abuse victims, crisis hotlines and talk-you-off-the-ledge type jobs.

What if her parents took their job as protector to mean they needed to fence her in, not let her get in over her head, not let her try something she might fail at? How much sheltering is helpful and what role does trust play in all of it?

The bounds of protection in spiritual terms maybe look something like this. Do my spiritual leaders make sure I have a helmet on and then let me free or do they build 4×4 fences and say these are the boundaries in which God is known and experienced.

Is the helmet of salvation enough? What’s the Body’s role in protecting each other? What about under-shepherds?

From the experiences I’ve had and the lives of mentors I bear witness to, I see that sometimes protecting brothers or sisters in Christ means knowing the Lord is just as present in our questions as He is in our answers. The urge to protect another spiritually should always be checked by the Spirit of God and aligned with scripture.

If we aren’t careful, we see members of the Body being crippled and stunted in the name of spiritual protection. The goal cannot be to keep others from any and all suffering. Prayers for safety are much more prolific than are prayers for growth and the glory of God is what I’m sayin’.

The word “suffer” is from the Latin and literally translates ‘to bear under’. Suffering is something that we are promised in scripture if we are His.

 

In this world you will have trouble,

but take heart!

I have overcome the world.

::  John 16:33 ::

 

I don’t know about you, but I have never hand-picked my own genre of suffering. It is out of our control and that alone causes us to suffer for lack of trust. This means we are bearing under that which is out of our control. In this, it’s more than the fact that we can’t take the actual trouble; we can’t seem to handle not having total control of it and/or be self-sufficient. This is the very thing Christ came to redeem. Suffering urges our hearts to surrender so that we can more intimately identify with our Lord gaining wisdom and giving God the glory!

But what if we think protecting other believers means keeping them from all suffering? Too often, we (I) want to rescue others from God-ordained suffering too soon. OR step in an attempt to protect another believer and so direct them away from the opportunity to be stretched in their faith.

Praise God that those who have protected me have not stolen me away from the joy of my suffering and the growing of my faith for fear that I may be hurt in the process. I pray my brothers and sisters in Christ have the same story to tell when it comes to our friendship.

It’s taking part in trusting others to come into my suffering that invites strength in the body. This strength is not like the world’s as it doesn’t toughen up, rather it leaves room for more vulnerability. This is the type of suffering in community that helps me in the fight to keep a soft heart!

 

My clumsiness adventurous spirit hasn’t changed much since I was learning to walk (i.e. I half fell/half walked out of a restaurant earlier this week), but I’m so thankful for physical and spiritual protectors who trust the Spirit’s work in my life. Whose ultimate goal was to see me grow and not to see me safe. I’ll keep that spiritual helmet on and am thankful beyond words for it. Let’s be careful to examine our spiritually protective instincts and remember we have a Father who is sovereign in the details.

 

The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
    you hold my lot.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
    indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

I bless the Lord who gives me counsel;
    in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

 Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
    my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
    or let your holy one see corruption.

 You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

:: Psalm 16:5-11::

Life or Death and Butterfly Tiles May 4, 2017

It was just another Sunday evening when I was in a room with a dozen counselors answering hundreds of calls coming in from people hurting and not knowing what else to do.

“Crisis line, this is Amanda. How may I help you?”

Starting in January 2015, I spent two nights each week  that year as a “crisis intervention clinician” which is fancy speak for being a crisis response counselor.

 

                                       Crisis: noun [krahy-seez]: Latin: 1375 A.D. krī́nein to decide, separate, judge

•   stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; a turning point.
• condition of instability or danger leading to a decisive change
• point in a story at which hostile elements are most tensely opposed to each other.

 

Sometimes, their crisis was deciding whether to live or die, whether to stay with him or leave and report their injuries, whether to go through with the pregnancy or not. Sometimes they were looking for a place to sleep that night or some food they wouldn’t have to steal and sell their dignity for.

Sometimes, their crisis was needing to hear someone say, “I hear you. I’m here.” And the only way they knew to hear it was to call our line.

More often than not, there were lots of crisis moments leading up to the moment they decided to give us call. There was the moment they visited the church to see if someone would notice (they didn’t) and that moment they smiled at the person on the sidewalk and that person scowled back, that moment they tried calling their brother and he didn’t pick up, the moment the all the kids at school declared them “other”. These are the moments

What I heard was that someone’s day was easily shaped by a smile, a kind word, someone taking the time to really hear them to see them.

We don’t realize how often things really are life or death.

 

 ********

During the winter of that year my other job as a counselor in a private practice finds me fielding the phone call every counselor dreads. I needed to go a hospital for children because a child is considering whether to choose life or death. In her eyes, death doesn’t look as bad as life does. She and I discuss a safety plan and a life worth living between conversations about her needing new chap stick and stressing about the homework she was missing. She confessed this desire to end it all was mostly about wanting her parents to see her, to love her for who she is and not who they want her to be.  She was serious about taking her life, but would have traded it all to have a conversation with her dad where no one yells.

In a way, words had driven this girl to where we were. Words and the lack thereof. The hospital was there to keep her safe from herself. And words were her way out. She has to say she won’t do it. She could simply speak against death. She merely had to say she’d “follow up with her treatment plan”.

And as all the words were said, I looked up and there were butterflies painted on the ceiling tiles.

Life and death were hanging in the balance. In a children’s hospital. Under butterfly tiles.

 

 ******

Proverbs 18 says, “The tongue has the power of life and death” and boy is that true!

 

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.

:: Matthew 12:36 ::

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

:: James 1:19 ::

Anxiety weighs down the heart,
but a kind word cheers it up.

:: Proverbs 12:25 ::

Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

:: Colossians 4:6 ::

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.

:: Psalm 141:3 ::

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

:: Ephesians 4:29 ::

********

I think it’s no small thing that the Lord is known by the name, “The WORD of God”, that the Word says “In the beginning was the Word” and that the Word SPOKE creation into beginning when it could have gone down any kind of way He chose. He chose to create all things by using His words. He will bring all things to a glorious close by the word of his mouth.  Words are significant to the God who created you and me.

We are created in the image of God and speak to those created in His image. No word is too small to matter. Whether our words are spoken on stages or in living rooms, conference rooms or college dorms…they hold weight. They are either forming us into the image of Christ or belittling His image in others or in ourselves.

Eugene Peterson once said,

“The metaphors Jesus used for the life of ministry are frequently images of the single, the small, and the quiet, which have effects far in excess of their appearance: salt, leaven, seed. Our culture publicizes the opposite emphasis: the big, the multitudinous, the noisy.”

 

We may believe the everyday way we spend our time, who we choose to smile at, which words we choose to say and which we don’t, are all just little insignificant things…ordinary.

It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes.

:: Oswald Chambers ::

 

These moments or ordinary life are points of collision for souls whose ideas about life or death are being shaped in every moment. Some are approaching the tipping point with each passing day and some of those people are you reading this. When was the last time you really felt like someone heard you, really heard you? When is the last time you really listened to someone else?

 

Looking back on those crisis calls and that first time in a children’s hospital with a suicidal girl…and every difficult “Visitor’s Pass” clad arrival to a hospital since….there are moments of crisis that don’t just spring up on a random Tuesday. These are mountains of hurt on top of each other that were built one stone at a time. Words said or unsaid. Words heard or unheard. The good news is that we can be part of lifting the weight off by choosing our words with the precision they deserve and with taking the minutes we have to hear someone with no agenda but to hear them.

 

The little girl under those butterfly tiles is about to be marking two years since that day and has put in a ton of work to get where she is. Her fight isn’t over yet, but there is hope with each day that passes. She just ROCKED out her college entrance exams!

My pastor says, “Every miracle begins with a problem.” The way I see it, there are front row seats to miracles all around us if we take the time to see them and listen.